Guys just a thread to post a laugh or two before the news comes down as to where this franchise is headed. This one's for the married posters or those with long standing partners.

Husband down!

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Fresh-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing? ' asks the husband.

'It s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

Three nuns are at a bus stop when a man wearing a trench coat approaches.

The man proceeds to flash the nuns.

Two of the nuns have a stroke right on the spot.

The third couldn't reach.

i went to the leafs game last night

i thought they could win

This ones for you Gibbers!

There was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with his wife. One day, he found a genie's lamp.
The genie came out and said, "Hello master. I will grant you three wishes but, what ever you wish for your wife gets double."

The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish anyway. For his first wish, he said,

"Genie, I want a house in Hawaii." POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two. This didn't make him happy but, he made his second wish.

"Genie,I want 2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his wife four billion. By now, this guy isn't very happy. The genie says, "You have one wish left. I have to remind you, what ever you wish for your wife gets double." The guy says, "Yeah, yeah. I know." So the guy thinks real hard and says "

I got it! Genie, beat me half to death!!"

why is peni$ a banned word?

The Peni$ Study

The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's
peni$ was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they
concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was
to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, the French decided to do they're own
study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the
reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more
pleasure during sex.

Newfoundlanders, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own
study. After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer they
concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting
himself in the forehead.

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast food restaurant. He noticed that they ordered only one meal and an extra drinkcup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them.
Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use the teeth.

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the 401...suddenly a man appears, and knocks on his side window.

"What's going on?.he says

"Terrorists have blockaded the road, they've taken Stephen Harper, Michael Ignatieff, and Jack Layton HOSTAGE!...They are threatening to douse them in gasoline and set them on fire..if they dont get a $10 million ransom..so I'm going car to car, to take donations.

Driver:' SOooo..what are most people giving??'

Man:' About 4 litres"

Good Stuff Guys!!

Husband Down takes the cake....; )

So a priest is walking down a city street, and notices a boy around 12 years old on the corner. The boy has a bottle of clear fluid he keeps shaking and then watching the bubbles. Wheh he approaches the corner, the priest says "Hello young man, what have you got in the bottle?". The boy gives the bottle another shake, and then looks at the priest and says "Hello father. I have the most powerful liquid in the world here, it's turpentine.".

The priest gives an indulgent chuckle and tells the boy that, although turpentine is indeed a powerful liquid, there is a more powerful liquid. "Holy water is the most powerful liquid; why, if you rub a few drops of holy water on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a baby boy!"

The boy laughs out loud and says, "Hel father, that's nothing! If you rub a few drops of this here turpentine on a cat's behind, he'll pass a motorcycle!"

Here are two of the lamest jokes on earth. Enjoy.

What do you call a fish with no eyes??

FSH.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall??

DAM!

Told ya.... kids like them though.

"Here are two of the lamest jokes on earth. Enjoy.

What do you call a fish with no eyes??

FSH.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall??

DAM!

Told ya.... kids like them though."

Ret@rded kids?

Johnny graduates from high school, and gets a job driving trucks. When his first paycheque comes in, he decides to celebrate by losing his virginity at the local brothel. He gets to the place, pays the Madamme, and picks out a nice girl named Sally.

Alone in the bedroom, Sally askes Johnny how he'd like to do it. Johnny isn't sure what Sally is talking about, so he asks Sally what styles she does. Sally says"We can do it straight, French style, Doggy style, 69...". At this point, Johnny tells her the 69 sounds like fun, so off they go.

Unfortunately, just as the action is about to start, Sally lets off a nasty fart. She apologises, and Johnny says it's all right, so they set off to start again. Unfortunately, Sally farts again, just as they are about to start.

Johnny just sits up and starts to put his clothes on. Sally asks him what's wrong.

Johnny says, "Sally, you're a real nice girl, you really are, but I just couldn't take 67 more of those.

Fred and Mary get married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's younger brother gets up and has his breakfast. As he's going out the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

His Mom says "NO!"
Johnny asks."Do you know what I think??'

His Mom replies "I don't want to know what you think, just go to school!"

Johnny comes home for lunch, and asks his Mom.."Are Fred and Mary up yet??'
Do you want to know what I think??' says Johnny.
She replies "NO!" eat you lunch, and go back to school!"
After school, Johnny comes home from school, and asks again.."Are Fred and Mary up yet??"

His Mom says NO!

DO you know what I think? says Johnny.

His Mom says "OK tell me what you think.

He says, "Last night Fred came into my room, and asked for the vaseline, and I gave him my airplane glue!"

"Ret@rded kids?"

That's harsh, seriously. Little bunters love jokes like that.